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Part seven in the Candy Perfume Boys series BtVS Season 6. Just after “Normal Again” and a bit before “Entropy.” Spike/Xander Rated NC-17
Substitute For Love (Track 7) Spike hesitated outside the door to Xander’s apartment. He knew the boy was depressed about leaving Anya, just as Spike was disappointed about Buffy leaving him. Spike knew what he wanted from the boy, but had to see if the boy wanted him. Over the last few years, they had gotten together maybe a half dozen times and sought pleasure. They had touched one another, rubbed, and sucked; giving and receiving orgasms. Both enjoyed their secret trysts for the simple physical abandonment they provided. Since Buffy died and returned they had only been together once, and Xander called it off after that because of his commitment to Anya. When Buffy returned, Spike was caught up in her, and only her, and spared little thought to the boy. Now, they both were at loose ends. Xander sat among empty beer cans
in his darkened apartment, and stared at the rope burns on his wrists. Buffy had
tried to kill him. She had tried to kill them all. One wild demon stab and she
went into her own mind only to find reasons to try to kill them all. First he
had to overcome the guilt of having brought her back from heaven. Then he messed
up the rest of his life by leaving Anya. Now Buffy tried to kill him. Xander
sought familiar solace in country music and beer. He was startled
out of his reverie by the knock on the door. His first thought,
“Anya!” But he opened the door to find Spike rather than his spurned love. His face fell as he growled, “Spike. What the hell do you want?” He turned and walked back to his seat, but left the door open. Spike held up a brown paper bag. “I brought beer and chips. I thought I might…” Xander sighed. “Sure, come in.” Spike came in and closed the door behind him. “Looks like you got a good start on me, Harris.” From the evidence of the beer cans everywhere and Xander’s disheveled state, he had been working on this drunk all day. “I mess up all my relationships.” Xander said suddenly. “I left the woman I love at the alter, Buffy tried to kill me, and … you…” Xander took another drink, not looking at the vampire. “And I’ve not been hanging out with you at all lately.” Spike got a beer, opened it, and joined Xander on the couch. “Been busy.” “So have I.” They drank in silence for a few more minutes. “Not that what we had could actually be called a relationship,” Xander qualified. “No, of course not. Maybe friendship on a good day?” Spike asked. Xander shrugged and nodded in agreement. He toasted Spike with his beer and took along drink. He sighed. “I was too goofy for Cordelia. I had to go and kiss Willow, which Cordy saw, which made her break up with me, which made Willow swear off Xander lips forever, which is all your fault by the way!” “My fault? How?” Spike raised an eyebrow. “You kidnapped Willow and me and locked us away together and made us think it was okay to have a we’re-gonna-die snog. Cordelia and Oz walked in at just that minute.” “So, if they had waited another ten, they would’ve seen something more… graphic?” “Yeah. Probably,” Xander mumbled. “So, you and Red may have gotten together and maybe still been together.” “Yeah. Thanks for pointing that out.” “I didn’t know I left so much chaos behind me,” Spike said with a wicked smirk. “You do that, Spike. You’re a king of chaos.” “You’re just saying that to make me feel good.” “No, really. It’s partially your fault I left Anya.” “No!” Spike looked disbelieving at Xander. “It’s true. When we were all singing. We both sang about having things that we kept secret. ‘I’ll never tell’ was the chorus.” “Really?” Spike hoped Xander wouldn’t make him tell about his love longs to Buffy. “Yep. And if we’d sung about our relationship again, I would’ve been tap dancing on the tables and singing about you.” Spike studied him levelly and then burst out laughing. “Good one, Harris.” “Damn it, Spike! You made me physically feel ways no one else had. The way you could make me feel like I was the most desirable, fuckable…” “Oh, Pet. I had no idea. I would have, well, been around more, had I known.” “No, don’t you see. It would have been wrong. I was engaged. It’s not what a guy does.” Spike shrugged. “Not to be blunt, but I thought it was little more than glorified masturbation. I didn’t know you had feelings for me.” Xander sighed. “I don’t and what we do… did is just physical, but… Damn. It was hot.” “I can’t argue with that.” Spike finished up his beer, stood up, and went over to the stereo. “What’s with the country music? I’ve never been able to stand it.” “Makes me feel like I’m not he only looser in the world. Change it, if you like.” Spike looked over the CD’s until a green-spine caught his eye. He pulled it out and held up “Ray of Light” with a smirk. “Is this still ‘our’ music, or is it in the Anya pile?” “It’s always been ‘ours,’ Spike,” Xander admitted, not looking at the vamp. “She enjoyed the benefits for about another week until she got tired of it. I’ve… played it when she isn’t around.” Spike put the CD in the player and programmed a couple of songs. “I think I know what we both need, Pet.” Put your head on my shoulder baby/ Things can’t get any worse Night is getting c In
full Sexual Predator mode, Spike stalked over to Xander, pulled him up, and
cupped his face in his hands. Gently, he placed needy kisses on the rough
cheeks. “I want you, Xander,” he murmured. “God,
yes, Spike. Want you, too.”
I can’t carry these sins on my back/Don’t wanna carry any more He
grabbed Xander’s t-shirt and swiftly pulled it off. Xander pushed at the
vampire’s duster and tugged the black t-shirt out of Spike’s tight jeans.
Spike stepped quickly back and bared his upper torso before returning to his
kisses and caresses.
We can’t carry these sins on our back/ Don’t wanna carry any more
We’re gonna carry this train off the track
We’re gonna swim to
the ocean floor Xander
moaned and urged the vampire to kiss harder. Mmmmm/ Crash to the other shore
Mmmmm/ Swim to the ocean floor “So
hot, Xander,” Spike purred, working his way down the column of Xander’s
throat. “Do you like what you feel?” He ran his cool hands over the boy’s
back, feeling him shiver lightly at the caress. “God,
yes, Spike. Like, need, want.” Spike
found one of Xander’s nipples and gently nipped it with blunt teeth. Xander
sharply sucked in a breath, making Spike smile. Let the water wash over you/ Wash it all over you/ Swim to the ocean floor Spike sent his hands ahead of his mouth to deftly worked open Xander’s belt and slacks, which soon puddled at his feet. So that we can begin again/ Wash away all our sins/ Crash to the other shore Spike straightened and took the swaying boy’s hands. “Take off the rest, Pet. I want to see the big reveal.” Xander blinked and felt his cock jump to another degree of hardness. He was desired. Someone wanted to be with him. Even after all he had done. Xander stepped out of his pants, and watched Spike watching him. The vampire licked his lips in anticipation as Xander slipped off his blue y-fronts. Crash to the other shore/ Swim to the ocean floor/ Mmmmmm Spike moaned as the boy’s heavy erection sprang out from its cotton restraint. “Sit down, Pet,” Spike said as the songs changed. “I’ve been thinking about this.” The music changed to a quick, up-tempo beat, very bouncy, electronic. Xander sat down and chuckled. “Madonna chanting to Buddha? What’s that about?” “Shut up and pay attention, Harris.” Vunde gurunam caranaravinde/ Sandarsita svatma sukhavabodhe Spike sat on his feet between the boy’s knees. He ran his hands up Xander’s lightly sweating thighs and circled his fingers around the base of the waiting penis without preamble. That the boy needed no more foreplay was throbbingly obvious. He ran one hand quickly up and down the hard shaft. Ahahu purusakaram sankha cakrasi\ Ahahu
purusakaram sankha cakrasi Spike timed his motions to the chanting. Xander’s head rolled against he back of the couch as he raised his hips to the touch. “God! Spike!” “You want more, Pet? Should I…” Spike leaned in and trailed a lick along the whole length of Xander’s penis. “God!” Xander grunted through gritted teeth. “Yes! I want that, Spike. Suck me like only you can!” Without preamble, Spike took Xander’s hard cock into his mouth. Om Shanti, Om Shanti Ah-ahhhh/ Shanti shanty/ Shantay Om Spike mimicked Madonna’s cries in the song, making his throat vibrate against he head of Xander’s cock. Xander gasped and thrust upwards. Spike pushed him back down and began bobbing his head in time to the music. When the cries would come in the song, Spike would deep throat Xander, humming along. “Spike! God! Please!” Xander was clutching the pillows on the couch and writhing under the vampire’s touch. Om Shanti, Om Shanti Ah-ahhhh/ Shanti shanty/ Shantay Om With the last sustained ‘om,’ Spike took Xander deep in his throat, ran a hand up to his balls and drew his nails lightly over the drawn-up sac. With a shudder, Xander shot deep in the vampire’s throat. Indulging a wicked whim, Spike drew back, keeping the softening cock in his mouth. Gently, he played his long tongue around the sensitized head until Xander cursed and pushed him away. With a chuckle, Spike released the drained victim and sat back on the floor. He enjoyed watching the boy pant and gasp for breath. He had done that. He had this boy writhing under his touch. It wasn’t just him. He could have anyone in the world under his power with just a look. Anyone but… Spike shook off the reverie to find Xander looking down at him with a frown. “Was it not good for you?” he asked, his brown eyes caring. “No, Pet. That was fun.” “What’s wrong, Spike?” Xander sat up in the edge of the couch, elbows on knees, and looked down at the half-dressed vampire. “It’s… it’s nothing you want to hear. I’ve had some rejection in my life lately, too.” “Oh. I guess we have been out of touch.” That sat in silence for a minute. “It was fun hunting down that gargle demon with you.” “The ga… Oh, yeah. That was fun.” “Although, when you came out with that line about Buffy making you her sex slave in an alternate reality, I was kinda jealous.” Spike covered his unease with a quip. “Really, pet? Cause, if anyone has made me a sex slave, it’s you.” “Nah, I’ve been neglecting my duties.” Xander stood up and headed for the CD player. “Loose those boots, buddy. It’ll save me the trouble of knocking them off.” Spike hurried to comply, stripping off boots and jeans as Xander programmed the player again. “Actually, I’ve had similar ideas as yours about the title track.” Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder Xander paused before turning around. “I know I’ve never… blown you before. In fact, I’ve never done it. To anyone.” “I know, Pet. You know I don’t ask anything of you that you don’t want to do.” “Yeah. I appreciate that.” Xander turned around. “But I want to now.” “Can I make a request?” Spike ventured. Xander shrugged. “Sure.” “Play ‘Skin’ instead? A quick ray of light isn’t exactly the happiest thought for a vampire and, well, the pace isn’t exactly beginner’s.” Actually, Spike wanted something slow and tender. He was hurting and needed to be soothed. Pleasing the boy had helped, but he saw no reason to not take what he was offered. Xander chuckled and listened to the music again, bobbing his head slightly to the quick beat. And I feel/ Quicker than a ray of light “I see that, now.” Xander re-programmed the player and came to kneel between the vampire’s thighs as ‘Skin’ started to play. Do I know you from somewhere? Spike smiled. “Just do to me what feels good to you.” All their encounters had been in dimly lit places, or he just had not looked at the other man. Now Spike’s hard cock was on display before him. He confidently wrapped his hand around the uncircumcised shaft, and worked it gently. He studied how the foreskin, so alien to him, winked over the glistening tip. “Taste it, Pet,” Spike urged. “It’s not so different a flavor from your own.” Xander glanced up at the vampire who was watching him with blue eyes half-closed. He rose up a bit more, pulled down to expose the head, and took a tentative lick. Spike sucked in a breath through clinched teeth. “That’s it, Luv. Just pretend I’m a fudgesicle and have at it.” Xander stopped and looked up at Spike. “I didn’t think you noticed.” “Oh, please. You came in with a box of those freezer-burned treats from the ice cream truck, sucked on one in front of everyone, and thought you were being subtle? You had the girls exchanging looks, Giles shifting his rod, and Riley almost up and left.” “What? Giles? Ew! But it was for you and you didn’t even…” Spike chuckled. “I very much noticed, Pet. You reflect quite nicely in glass showcases. As soon as I hit the tunnels, I whipped it out and had a good wank. I’m just glad no one figured out I was your target audience. Plus, I wanted you to come to me.” They both grin in remembrance of their sticky encounter. (Put your hand on my skin) Xander looked again at the shaft in front of him. Not as tasty as a fudgesicle, a good bit thicker, but the same theories applied. Xander rose up on his knees and licked again at the shaft. Spike moaned. Xander took the head into his mouth and experimentally licked the slit, as he enjoyed feeling for himself. “Yes, Pet. Like that,” Spike urged, fighting the desire to thrust into the boy’s virgin mouth. Slowly, Xander took more and more of the hard cock into his mouth. He’d pull it back out, and then take a little more in next time. He worked the rest of the shaft with is right hand and balanced with his left on a muscled thigh. Put your hand on my skin Xander closed his eyes and started moving to the music, adding a lick on the down stroke as Anya had done for him. His efforts were rewarded with a throaty purr he had never heard from Spike before. “That’s so good, Pet.” Encouraged, Xander tried the last trick he had practiced with popsicles when no one was watching. He rose up as high as he could, relaxed his throat, and allowed the hard cock to slide in to hit the back of his throat. Spike’s purr turned to a growl. “Back off. I’m gonna cum,” he warned. Xander backed off, but kept the head in his mouth, licking the tip, and working the shaft with his hand. “Oh, Luv,” Spike shuddered as he spent himself into the boy’s mouth. Anya didn’t swallow, she said the texture made her gag, so Xander knew how to force the acidic seed out around the throbbing cock and use it as lube for his still-working hand. Spike reached down and stilled the boy’s hand. Xander took his opportunity to turn the tables on the wicked vamp, and drew the entire length of the softening penis into his mouth. He sucked firmly on the sensitized organ. “Hey!” Spike shouted. Without thinking, Xander ran his hand up the vampire’s thigh to cup his balls. The last thing he expected was for the vampire to shoot another load so quickly. Startled, Xander released the still-spurting cock and sat back, coughing and spitting. Spike wrapped a hand around his cock to finish what had Xander started. As he watched the naked, wide-eyed boy sprawled at his feet, he was coming, laughing, and gasping at the same time. Finally the vampire stilled, and watched the boy with a wide smirk. “How did you…? But you only just…” Xander sputtered. “I’m a vampire, remember? You just happened to push my buttons in the right way. You sure you’ve never done that before?” “I just did what you said. What you and… she would do for me that felt good.” Spike stretched and put an arm behind his head. “Thanks, Pet. I needed that.” The stereo went silent. Xander got up, working his mouth like a fish, and shuffled awkwardly. “I… I gotta go…” “Go brush your teeth, Mate. I don’t mind.” “Right.” Spike immediately got up and dressed with vampire speed. He listened to the boy taking care of his body’s needs in the bathroom and hesitated, his hand on the doorknob. Harris deserved to know. Spike felt the atmosphere around his secret crumbling. Besides, he needed to talk to someone. Xander came back in the room wearing a loose t-shirt and baggy sweatpants. “Where ya going, Spike? We still have another 6 pack. Or were you pulling a get what you want and leave?” Spike sighed and ran his hand over his hair. “I’ve got something I have to tell you, and you won’t like it. “What? Is it Anya? Oh God, is she all right?” “As far as I know, she’s fine.” Spike sighed and braced himself. “It’s about Buffy.” Xander felt himself grow cold. He felt the dam around his denial crumbling. “What about Buffy?” Spike couldn’t look Xander in the eye. “This summer, she and I, well, we’ve been fuc…” Xander slammed into him and knocked the vampire to the ground, sitting on him, and clamping his hands around the vampire’s neck. “Don’t you dare finish that word, Spike. If you say what I think you will, I’ll squeeze off your head and roll in the dust!” Spike looked away and whispered with what little air he could force through his throat. “She needed someone… something actually. So I played punching bag. I’ve been her flagellation.” Xander punched Spike, hard. The vampire just went with it. “You fucked Buffy! She fucked you!” He punched him again. Even with the chip, Spike could have thrown him off, but the boy needed this. He needed this. “I’ve been there since high school! Six years! She never chose me!” “You were with Anya! She respected that. I was around so she used me. She fucked me! It’s over now. I love her, Xander, and she lead me on and… and then she left me! Believe me, you wouldn’t have wanted to be me.” Spike looked up at the boy. Xander could see the pain in Spike’s eyes and recognized it as the same loss he felt in his own. Xander threw himself off the vampire and collapsed on the couch. “Damn it.” Spike spoke from where he still lay on the floor. “It worked for you just now pet. I’m the disposable comfort vamp,” Spike said, unable to keep all the bitterness out of his voice. “I know,” Xander said, scrubbing at his face. “I know. That’s why… that’s why I’m not that mad. Christ! When I think about what she went through. We pulled her out of heaven, leaving her to dig her way out… And none of the rest of us were able to connect after that. I was busy… Plus, I knew. A part of me knew. The way you two acted around one another, and that time in the kitchen, and … shit. Push-ups my eye.” Spike got up, rubbing the purpling bruises on his neck, and headed for the door. “I just thought you should know. You don’t have to tell her I told you. But, you’re not the only one hurting. You’re not alone, Xander.” Spike turned the knob. “Wait. Please. Stay.” Spike paused. “I’m sorry for attacking you.” Spike shrugged. “I was expecting it.” “And, like I said, we’ve got a six pack and half a bottle of Wild Turkey left.” “You didn’t mention the Wild Turkey earlier,” Spike said, cocking an eyebrow. “Well, I’m selfish that way,” Xander grinned his crooked grin. Spike nodded, took off his coat, and sat in the comfortable orange chair. The two drank and talked through their troubles all night.
Play List: Candy Perfume Boy, Shanti/Ashtangi, Ray of Light, Skin Note: I guess this would make
the rest of the season change. Spike wouldn’t have found comfort with Anya,
and Xander wouldn’t have gotten mad at Buffy. Most likely, this connection
would have kept Spike from the events in “Seeing Red” and from seeking his
soul. But… Let’s not play such heady ripple games. Thanks, Donovan, for your Beta and suggestions. On to (Track 8) No Candy, No Perfume |
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