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I have boldly lifted bits of dialog from this and following episodes. These show up in red. Footnotes are at the end of each chapter.

148th Day

Chapter 5

Awakening

Spike took a steadying breath and went to Buffy’s door. He heard whimpering from within. Carefully, not wanting to scare her, he quietly snuck in the room, slipped onto the bed, and lay with his shoulders against the headboard. She cuddled up to him at once. He stroked her hair until her breathing evened out and she was once again deeply asleep. He shifted his position only once to remove the lump of Mr. Gordo from under his hip and put the worn toy in her grasp. Spike held her gently, feeling the rise and fall of her breath. If only I could do this any time. Not that I want her to say so weak.

Some hours later, Buffy startled, woke up and cocked back her fist like she was going to slug him. “Easy, Buffy. It’s okay.”

She relaxed and glared  at him. “What are you doing in my bed? And dressed like that?”

“Oh, you noticed the clothes.”

“Yes. I did. Not blind.”

“Well, Dawn pointed out I smelled bad. So I showered and she’s washing my clothes.”

Buffy leaned in and sniffed him. “Book dust and aftershave. Now you smell like… like Giles.”

“These are his old clothes destined for charity. I guess I’m as good a charity case as any. And, in my defense, I’m not in your bed I am on it.”

Buffy snuggled back against him, smelling the familiar scent. “I miss him.”

“I do too, pet. We got a little close over the summer. Funny, huh?”

“Has anyone called him, told him about me?”

“I bet the witch has. To brag about what she’s done.”

“I don’t want to go there yet.” Buffy pulled up the covers.

“Then let’s not.” Spike ventured a little flirty humor. “What do you want to do? We’re already in bed so…”

“I’m all slept out. Anything worth watching on TV these days?” She saw his hurt expression and smiled a little. “I’m flattered, but no. I am hungry again.”

Spike went downstairs first so Buffy can dress. Dawn was asleep on the couch, the TV was quietly babbling a game show.

The three sent the day catching up. Dawn and Spike told stories and filled Buffy in on the summer’s events. At first they told only funny and happy stories until they ran out. The silence stretched until Buffy sighed. “OK, tell me the bad stuff.”

They spoke haltingly at first about how sad everyone hadk been. Dawn confessed to a couple of bad grades. Spike expressed worries about Willow and her uses of magic. Dawn had overheard Xander and Willow talking about money being tight. Buffy took it all in silence.

“Buffy?” Spike said quietly when the bad tales have been told and she has stared into space for some time, not moving. “Come back to us, Luv.” He knelt beside her.  It looks like he’s proposing, Dawn thought until Buffy burst into tears and slid into the floor and his arms. Buffy sobbed and cried out at the unfairness of it and Spike just held her through it all, allowing her to let it out. When she finally pulled herself back together, she was embarrassed.

“Don’t be rough on yourself, Buffy,” Spike said, giving her some space and sitting in the chair some distance from her. “It’s fine. It’s only bad if you don’t let it out.”

Dawn gave a supportive grin from the other end of the couch. “I used to cry when I had to go to kindergarten. You told me the same thing.”

Buffy wiped her face and smiled at them both. “Thanks. Let’s… do something else for a while.”

“I’d suggest croquet, but I’d burst into flames.” Spike quipped.

“You could wear your blanket,” Dawn suggested.

“Nah, tried it. You can’t get a good swing with a blanket over your head.” Spike turned to Buffy. Sunlight would do her good, though. “You can do something for me, if you will.”

“What’s that?”

“Well. I’ve just gotten this cherry motorcycle and it’s out by the curb where I left it. Could you move it for me before someone nicks it?”

Buffy’s eyes went wide at the thought of going outside.

Spike smiled and waved away the suggestion. “No bother. I nicked it myself, so there’s a balance to things if it goes away.”

The rest of the day was spend doing little things, and just being in one another’s company. Spike made a pretty good soup from a mix for dinner. They talked, laughed and cried together.

As soon as the sun set, Spike stood up, rubbing his hands together briskly. “OK, I’m ready for that croquet game!”

“Unfair advantage!” cried Dawn.

“What? You’re the one who wanted me to play under a blanket.” They exchanged grins. Spike peeked out the front window curtains. “My bike’s still there. Anyone want to join me as I move it?”

Buffy stood up slowly. “Did all the demons leave?”

“I have not heard a discouraging word  or sound the past 24 hours, pet.”

“Plus, Xander told me when he called this morning things are back to as normal as they ever are in Sunnydale,” supplied Dawn.

“I… I would like some fresh air.”

Buffy and Spike stepped out on the front porch, Buffy a little wild-eyed and not wanting to leave the shelter of the porch. Spike pointed to the bike parked end of the walkway. “It’s a beauty. Road pirates always know how to take care of things. Of course, I’ve not even taken a good look at it, yet. But It runs well.” He put his hands in his pockets and peered sideways at Buffy. “We could go for a ride, if you’d like.”

Buffy shook her head vigorously, folding her arms protectively around herself. The demons that tore me… no, not me, the bot apart used motorcycles. “It’s too loud and it’s… quiet out here,” she said after a while.

“It’s a nice neighborhood. I should know, I’ve spent enough nights in your yard.”

She turned her brown eyes to his blue ones. “Why?”

Spike pulled out a cigarette, noticed Buffy’s expression upon seeing it, and put it back in his pocket with a sigh. She’s going to ask me about stalking her, I know it. She’s going to tell me to never do it again. “Well, it’s a place to hang out, isn’t it?”

“No… I know why you hang out here. Why… why me? Why do you… hang out around me?” You told me often enough last year, Spike, I need to hear it again.

He gave a dry laugh. “You’re joking.” He had a sweet smile as he tilted his head to one side and studied her. She is actually asking for what I have been trying to tell her for the longest time. “Do you really want to hear my tune? You won’t run away this time?”

“I do.” She answered quietly.

Spike took a deep breath and bared his soul. “A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.”[i]

I never suspected he felt like that, and that strongly. Buffy was suddenly uncomfortable and moved away, “Nah, I think you just want to get laid,” she joked, covering.

Outwardly Spike shrugged and kept his cool, inside he rejoiced. She didn’t reject me or run away. Or hit me. “You sussed me out, Luv. I’m only in it for the sex. You game?”

“Not right away. I’m still getting over being dead.”

Spike gave a big dramatic sigh and shook his head. “Women, they’ve always got an excuse.” He looked over at her where she leaned against a post. “Mind if I move my bike?”

“Go ahead.” Spike started away, but she called him back. “Do you want to go out on it? You… you’ve been trapped inside all day.”

“I won’t leave you alone if you don’t want me to, pet.”

“Thanks.  It will be fine. Can I ask… come back before too late?”

He smiled. “Tell you what, I’ll be back before two. I’m almost out of blood and can run to the store, too. Do you want anything?”

Buffy shook her head. “Wait until I’m inside before you start it. And… be careful.”

“I will. I’ll walk it down the block.” Spike watched Buffy go in and listened to the door lock.

Buffy went inside to join Dawn on the couch.

“Where’s Spike?” she asked.

“He’s going out. I could tell he has a new toy and wants to play with it. He said he wouldn’t be too late.”

“I’d never ridden on a bike before last night. It was cool.” Buffy gave her a big-sister glare. “Except for the whole escaping from demons thing. Spike made me wear a helmet, and he didn’t go very fast. Plus… I found you.”

“Thank you for that, Dawnie.”

“Spike has been so good to me all summer. When  the rest of them were off together, I was here, with him. They… they didn’t treat him so good.”

“None of us did, Dawn. None of us, except maybe you. I guess that makes you best of all of us.” Buffy stared off into the past.

“Is it any easier?” Dawn’s eyes were big and caring.

“Being here? Some seconds more than others.”

“Can.. can you tell me what it was like? Did you see mom?”

Buffy studied that lost place. “Not exactly. I knew I was loved and that everyone here was safe. I knew Spike was taking care of you. It was all… I can’t verbalize it.”

“That’s fine. Don’t try.” She put her hand on her sister’s knee. “Sorry I asked.”

“I don’t mind. It’s just that I can’t think on it too much. I have to go moment by moment.”

Dawn changed the subject. “What is Spike going to do?”

“Huh? Oh, he’s going to go to the butchers and the grocery store, I guess.”

“I hope he brings cookie dough ice cream.”

Buffy smiled and snuggled on the couch with her sister.

~~~

Much later there came the sound of a motorcycle pulling up in the yard. Buffy first started and leapt to her feet, looking for a place to hide. Then she shook her head. It’s probably Spike, coming back. Buffy peeked out the curtain and saw Spike loaded down with grocery bags, climbing off the bike. She stepped out in the chill night air to help him.

“That’s a lot of blood.”

“I bought some supplies. Blood and chocolate. Where’s Dawn?”

“She went to bed. I… alone time was good for me.” Buffy had spent the time wandering around the house, noting the subtle changes Willow and Tara living there had caused. She peeked into drawers as if she were in someone else’s house, perhaps house sitting for a friend. She took photos down and looked closely at them, as if she had never seen them before. “What all did you do?” she asked as she helps him carry bags into the house.

Spike set down his bags and shrugged off a backpack. “I went to the butchers,” he hefted 3 pints of blood and took them to the fridge. “I got some groceries. A hungry teenager is a frightening thing. Have you seen how she eats?”

Buffy smiled fondly. “It scares even me.” She sat and watched the vampire putting up things while he talked. It’s funny seeing the so-called scourge of Sunnydale being so domestic.

“I went by my crypt. You should see it some time by the way. It’s quite posh now. I picked up some clothes and the book I’ve been reading.

“I also went to the demon bar, found Clem and got him to crypt-watch for me. It wasn’t hard, he doesn’t have a TV. And I squashed the rumors that you were no longer alive.”

Her little smile went away. “Did you have to do that?”

“We don’t want a repeat of the biker attack, do we?”

“I… guess that means I have to patrol.”

Spike left off  his sorting and came over to her. “Not tonight, not tomorrow, but you should put in an appearance soon. I’ll go with you.”

“Thanks. I have to face my friends before I can think about that.”

After everything was tidied away, Buffy sat with Spike as he watched some old movie, adding a running commentary. She fought sleep until she fell asleep beside him. Hearing the change in her breathing, Spike studied his sleeping love. I do love her, now, more than ever. I don’t dare tell her so. She is so fragile, I have to watch everything I say and do. But already he could see some improvement over that first night. She shifted on the couch and slid over until her head rested on his shoulder. Spike didn’t move and lowered the volume on the TV.

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