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Post "As You Were" Spike POV Spike/Buffy Rated R
Using Me/Killing You Why do you not love me? I love you. You let me say it to you. You don’t give me reasons not to. You treat me as if you do. You confide in me. You come to me for comfort. You talk to me of things your family and friends do not know. All this trust, yet you do not love me? Maybe we’re best friends. It’s an honorable title, true, but how can one not love one’s best friend? Help me understand, pet? Do I not know when you are troubled even without you telling me? Do I not give and serve and be there? I know sex has never been better for you. How could any mortal boy keep pace? I’ve had sex with mortals. They are so fragile, you have to hold back. Where is the fun in that? Twice you came. Twice I came. Last time. On the slab when you came to me dressed in strange military garb. So not like your usual frilly outfits. You demanded affirmation. Demanded the routines of word and touch. Frantic pullings at clothing and flesh. Our last time together. You knew it for what it was. You were so quiet. So ready to distance yourself and sleep without touching me. If I had known, I would have done things with you, for you, I’d been saving. Maybe I could have kept you that way. Then he was there. Was it a comparison, pet? When I saw him, the one you once loved and lost, I knew. I don’t know how, but I knew. It was over. You didn’t tell me he was in your life. You and he blew my world to bits. Literally, you destroyed the semblance of a home I had built for myself. Later, as I kicked through the ashes, you finished the job. You told me it was over. You acknowledged you were using me. Said it was killing you. You wanted to stop hurting me. Stupid bitch. Best friend. Don’t you know that was all I had? |
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