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Summer season 4/5

Rated R

Quickie in a Graveyard

Spike was headed for a game of kitten poker when he heard grunting coming from behind a small tomb. Some newbie high-schoolers looking to get themselves killed. Well, I can at least oblige them enough to give them a good scare.

Spike circled around until he was behind a large obelisk opposite them where he could see as well as pick up the scent. A large blond man with one hand braced against the stone wall moved rhythmically, blocking all view of his partner. Spike didn’t have to see her to know who it was. Captain Cardboard and Buffy. On my turf. This’ll be fun.

With absolute silence, Spike crept up behind the busy pair. He stood just three feet away, watching critically, as Riley murmured to Buffy and shuddered to a halt. Aw, isn’t that sweet, he at least kisses her afterwards. I hope he makes her come later. Slayer shouldn’t have to put up with that.

“You know,” Spike said suddenly, making both partners jump and wheel to face him. “You’ve got such a whopping big boyfriend here, you should do it with his back against the wall so he can keep watch over your shoulder. Or does he keep his eyes tight shut all the time?”

Buffy began scrambling to pull her skirt down as Riley fumbled to pull a stake from the back pocket of his unfastened pants. “Spike! How long have you been there?” Buffy sputtered.

“Couldn’t have been more than two minutes. Maybe even one,” Spike smirked.

“You're dust, Hostile 17!” Riley gritted, still searching for his stake.

Spike raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at Riley’s limp penis where it hung out of his military-issue pants. “You’re going to need a longer piece of wood than that.”

“Get the hell out of here, Spike!” Buffy said, raising her own stake threateningly.

“I’m late for a poker game, anyway,” Spike said as he started to walk away. At a safe distance he turned and called back to the pair as they pulled themselves together. “By the way, Slayer, if you ever want a lover who can make you come every time, look me up!”

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