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Songfic. Inspired by and stealing lines from "My Immortal" by Evanesence 

Spike POV

Rated G

Iím Immortal

Iím so tired of being here. Iím an immortal. But what does that mean? What does it gain me? There is just too much that time cannot erase. Even if I live to see flying cars, I will still love her. Styles will change. Stories will come and go and be retold. People will keep doing the same bloody horrible things to one another. Puppies will still keep making kids smile. Wars will be fought, miracles will be worked. I will probably continue. Through it all, there will be a Buffy-shaped hole in my heart.

 

I try so hard to tell myself that she is gone. I knew she would not chose me in the end. I was kind of surprised she did not choose Angel. Our plucky little Slayer chose to throw her fate to the wind. Part of me can understand. She met someone new. Someone sweet and smart and she wouldnít settle for someone unable to please her. I understand. I have so little to offer her. My soul, my love, myÖ life. That wasnít what she wanted. She needed to go where opportunities drive her forward, not backwards to a literal dead end.

 

I pray for her to be happy even as I realize Iíve been alone all along. I was pretending. Must have been. No way could I love a soul that didnít love me as much. Shouldnít happen. Iíve not had and lost my soul mate. Iíve just not found her yet. I have all my unlife to live. Iíll go out and meet people and carry on as I have. Even after she is gone and dustÖ

 

One problem with that plan, mate. She still has all of me.

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